i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
