I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
