I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
