So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
