she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
