I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
