She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
