We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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