You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
