well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
