Soap is not a condiment
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
