look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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