theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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