...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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