Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
