Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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