dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
