Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you will always have a special place in my vag
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
