is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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