I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
