forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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