fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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