I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
