Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
