Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
