Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
