my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
