Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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