office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
