i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
