Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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