dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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