Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Send help, water and tortillas.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize