shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
