My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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