birth control should be required to get into college
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
