you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
