There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
