worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
