Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
