Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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