mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize