oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
