i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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