so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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