somebody snuck up and got me drunk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
