he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
