I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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