My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
