She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
now i know why i became what i already was.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
