i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
