where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
