I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize