Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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