Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
