I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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