Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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