Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
