I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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