Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
