IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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