That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
whose parrot is this?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
