Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
