I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
