their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
