I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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