Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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