Clothes are such an inconvenience.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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