I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize