he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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