forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize