I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize