well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
