Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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