No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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